Chapter twenty

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Me and Julio fall into a somewhat comfortable routine.

In the days following the restaurant incident, we mostly stayed on topics we were willing to talk about. Most involved the project that was due after Thanksgiving break and if it wasn’t about molecules and elements, then we were commenting on small things like the weather and Mr. Clarks growing bald spot.

The confession that happened that night was never brought up. Nor did we mention it. It was like we were to afraid to bring it up, like if we did, the memory would escape us like water running between our fingers.

If I was being honest with myself, I would admit I missed the old us. A lot. I missed not knowing what was going to happened next. I missed talking about things you shouldn’t talk about, not how nice the weather was and what we would do for thanksgiving break.

Julio said he was heading home, to spend time with his mom and siblings. For me, I was heading back to a lonely house with a cold mother. The more the week closed in, the more I thought about my mother and the the stuff that waited for me back home. I knew she was expecting nothing but the upmost respect.

Kayla, on the other hand, would be the wild card. I knew without a doubt those two were going to go head to head and I was going to be the one to pick up the pieces and try to pull things together. I have been doing it for years now and even though I know what to expect, a sinking feeling starts in my stomach.

Believe it or not, I wasn’t the same Kelsey I was when I started here. Sure, I still was cautious and didn’t know what it meant to truly let go, but I was letting my shield down little by little. I was learning to give people a chance and to actually go out and do something other than sit in my dorm and study.

I also started going out with Mia to the little cafe’ Julio worked at. She use to ask me all the time, but I swore I had to much work. Now, I put the books away and enjoyed the little packed place almost every night. Of course, I tried my hardest to avoid looking a Julio for too long, and with Mia around, my attempts didn’t go unnoticed.

Even though she was still upset that I didn’t get any information from Julio, she tried her hardest to tell me to take a chance on him. I knew I was being stubborn, but as I look in the mirror, I wonder if she was right.

I pull the tank top up, trying to cover my cleavage. The black clung to my body in all the right places and if I turned my body slightly to the right, I actually looked pretty hot.

The white shorts, also a compliment from Kayla’s closet, were also too short. My fingers kept going to the end, pulling it down as far as it would go. Sighing, I pull my hair into a tight ponytail and glare at Kayla from the mirror.

“Why am I dressed like this? Especially in this weather?” Kayla shakes her head as she shimmies on a pair of tights. The purple makes her wild black hair stand out and she smiles.

“It isn’t even that cold today, thank God. The perfect weather for the college event. Did you know this whole thing was set up to help raise money for sororities? Makes me almost not want to go.”


I rolled my eyes, fingering the bracelet at my wrist. Nick would be here any minute to pick me up and my nerves were at an all time high. It was kind of getting a little ridiculous.

Kayla spritze perfume on her boobs, rubbing the glitter in with wide strokes. “So, is dark and dangerous going to be there?” My eyes jerk from my wrist and meet her eager eyes. I know she was asking about Julio and I can’t stop the feeling of something warm spreading in my stomach.

I told him two days ago I was going to the event and he said he had to work, so he couldn’t make it. My guess was he was lying. This wasn’t the kind of thing Julio did and no matter how much I wanted him to fit in my world, he didn’t. He was part of a group of people I would never associate myself with and no matter how much I wish I could see him there, I wouldn’t.

Running my finger back and forth under my bracelet, I let out an annoyed sigh. You ever heard of the saying ‘you want what you can’t have?’ Yeah, I was living proof that was a real thing.

I hear a light knock on the door and I freeze in my spot. Kayla looks at me worriedly from the  corner of her eyes as she opens the door. Standing there, with his hands in his belt loops and his blue eyes shining, is Nick.

He smiles at Kayla and Kayla gives him a once over, nodding slightly to me as he comes into the room. I guess she gives me her approval. I take a deep breath and plaster a smile on my face.

I would not think of Julio.

“Hey, Nick.” I say, reaching over for my light pink jacket hanging over my bed. “Don’t mind the mess. Kayla has a hard time figuring out what a closet is.” Nick laughs good heartedly and scans my room, his eyes running over half the stuff in my room.

“At Least your room is clean. Mason doesn’t know the difference between the floor and a hamper.” I forget all about Mason and Nick sharing a dorm. Suddenly, a thought pops into my head faster than I can blink.

“Hey, were you there when Aiden came over?” I see Nick try to remember what night I was talking about, so I give him a little help. “It involved something of the illegal type?” Recognition flashes across his face before he answers. Maybe I should have came to Nick in the first place. Seemed like a more easier route than sharing a night with Julio behind a building.

“Yeah, that was awhile ago. Aiden won pretty good that night. Why?” I slip my hands into my jacket and give Kayla a look. It plainly says leave the talking to me. I knew if it came to her, she would have the secret out in a matter of minutes.

“Oh, well,” I say, pulling my ponytail out from beneath the jacket. “I was just wondering what he was going to buy with all that money.” I try to act like it was an innocent question. Nick must think that too, because he just shrugs. His whole body going into the effort.

“To be honest, I don’t know. If I was him, I would put it in my college fund. Yeah, me too. Me and Nick meet each others eyes and he smiles, like he knows we were thinking the same thing, and I try not to blush.

Kayla whistles, trying to act like she wasn’t eavesdropping on the whole conversation. “So, about this event. You think the sororities will try to recruit us?” I shake my head, grabbing my dorm key and slipping it over my head.

“I doubt it. Usually, they pick the most ‘Opportunistic’ candidates the moment they step on campus.”

Kayla contemplates this as she turns on her heel and picks up a sparkly black tank top. I turn away from her and meet Nicks small smile with my own.

“Ready?” He says and I nod my head. I follow him out, remembering at the last moment to remind Kayla about calling our mom. Though, I don’t get a chance too. Before I have the words out of my mouth, I feel something warm slide over my head.

I look down fast in time to see Nick lay his hand on mine, his fingers threading it close. I look from our joined hands to the shy blush on his face and I look away before I can think about it too much.

I mean, boys and girls can hold hands without it meaning anything, right?

Okay, who am I kidding. I was practically being a hypocrite. Here I was telling Julio I couldn’t be in a relationship yet here I was not letting the boundaries be known to Nick.

But, you see, theres the problem. With Nick, I don’t feel it. I don’t feel the race of my heart or the feeling that I was about to do something dangerous. With Nick, it was something easy, light, and full of friendship. With Julio, it was like I was about to jump off a cliff. When I was with him, it felt like my whole world was on it’s axis.

That’s what scared me.

I’ve felt this feeling before. This feeling was associated with heartbreak and heartbreak was associated with a past I could not run away from.

I just hopped I knew what I was doing.

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