Lessons of the Heart and the Liquid it Pumps ||

61: What This Means

Laying across his couch with his front to my back, spooning so closely I wondered if we’d possibly fused together from the heat, Collin and I had come to a rest. My heart had refused to calm itself but the resounding thumps against my back granted me some comfort; his heart was still just as lively as mine. I’d let out all the pent up emotion I’d had for him in that kiss I could only describe as raw. It was forceful and demanding. It had consumed my entire being with want for him and basked me in the fact that he wanted me just as much, even if only for the moment. And it had ended, after a long duration, with us as we were now; cuddled so tightly I wished I would never again have to move.

The end credits played across the screen providing a light, almost eerie, melody as listening music. Though I stared blankly at the screen I didn’t see a single thing crossing it. Soon the movie would return to the beginning credits and I’d find myself faced with the sad truth. I would have to move from this comfortable position with Collin. My mind danced with hums as a little tingle of warmth ran through me and into him. I still had no idea why my body did that. I knew I wasn’t imagining things for Collin had said he felt it as well. As much as I wanted to know what it was I couldn’t be bothered to try and find out. It made every moment with him all the more pleasurable.

After a long time of deliberation I forced myself to sit up and pull away from Collin’s arms as he momentarily tried to hold me still. I pushed the breath that had stuck in my lungs out and turned to look down at where he lay behind me. His eyes met mine instantly and I froze like a dear in the headlights. What was I doing? What were we doing? What just happened?

“I’m sorry you missed the movie.” I ended up squeaking. The words just came out like they were the most obvious thing to say. Smooth; make out with your vampire of a teacher and then dodge the subject by talking about a movie.

He looked up at me for a loss of words. I could already picture the thoughts whizzing through his brain as he tried to sort through what to say. What was there to say? “It’s all right.” his smooth voice finally came at a loss for anything else.

I nodded awkwardly and looked back to the screen. Sure enough the opening menu was playing. For a few moments I watched Harry fly across the screen with blank eyes. What a movie to have as the background for the first time I’d officially made out with the man who made my body go crazy. “I didn’t take you as the Harry Potter type.” I finally mumbled, feeling obligated to fill the silence.

He didn’t say anything and when I looked back down I was surprised to see a slight blush on his cheeks that were brushed with a light stubble. I gave him a confused look, wondering what was with this particular reaction. As though triggered by my eyes on him the blush deepened. “I- well that is…” he trailed off tearing his eyes from mine. I was making him embarrassed and his realization caused a secret smile to play across my lips.

“Yes?” I asked, pushing him onwards. For some reason his embarrassment excited me. I wanted to make him fumble more. I wanted his heart to beat as fast as mine did whenever I tried to play cool around him.

“You mentioned it with Castin.” he finally said when he realized I wasn’t going to just accept silence. His eyes found their way back to mine. I gave a small encouraging smile for him to go on with what he was saying. From where he lay behind my sitting form, our bodies still touching, I could feel his embarrassment in the air. “I wanted to know what it was you were joking about together.”