Deathly Kisses

56. "I was hoping"

Chp56. "I was hoping"

Song of the chapter:
Grand Piano - Nicki Minaj

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(Don't hate me for this chapter. Good luck reading it!)

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Breathe. Breathe, that's all I had to do, to breathe. But I couldn't. The air was completely cut off, I really couldn't breathe. My body-- it felt like everything was closing in on me, weakening in on me.

Lacking of oxygen and in denial, I struggled to not allow my knees to collapse right then and there. Holding myself up and slowly laying back onto his bed, I really did feel dirty now, and disgusted.

I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I needed to find my way out. Cora's presence was still here, though I really wish she would leave. She kept on talking, words that didn't make sense to me. It were as if she was talking in tongues.

I couldn't explain it but it was some type of feeling I had never experienced before. It were as if my soul had been snatched from me and somehow broken down into tiny little pieces like I was made of glass. Wood, that with a spark of fire it could burn and cause a disaster.

And that was what I was, a disaster.

I hadn't noticed Cora had eventually left after a while, I was all alone in Austin's room once again. Cold and invisible, I didn't want to be here. But what pained me the most was for the simple reason that I couldn't bring myself to tears even though I had wanted to bawl my eyes out not long ago.

The footsteps were slowly beginning to approach the room and I had felt the energy, it wasn't a good one. The smell of food hit me at an instant, if it wasn't holding back so much or the fact that I felt my tongue and throat drying up, I'm sure I would've puked right then and there.

Not bothering to look up at the sound of Austin's voice or seeing how he slowly placed a tray of food in a small desk near him, though I was able to see that through the corner of my eye-- I still didn't move.

"Baby?" he questioned after I had been ignoring him the small amount of time he'd been back.

My mind was racing, I was feeling betrayed. It seemed like he only wanted sex and that's what I should've known all along. It was all the same and it has always been this whole time.

And I'm here ending up looking like a fucking idiot for falling for it like every single girl always does.

If isn't already enough when someone makes yo feel so special like you're on top of the world. And you have a fire deep inside of you, burning that I never even knew it could burn down so quick. Its shit. It really is. The thought of being used sickened me to my stomach, mostly when it's by someone you never expected it to be.

And this is the part where I really do truly hate myself because I knew it was going to happen, everyone always pulls slick shit to every nice person. And then society wonders why the hell there's no more nice people out there.

I moved my head up slowly to look at Austin. He was standing there, a half smile and a confused look, asking me if everything was okay. In that moment I thought of my father and a small flash of my life quickly turning into hell.

And I swear in that moment I hadn't known what it was like to going into loving someone so much that it turns into pure hate and bitterness.

"Mia? Baby girl?" He tried again, "Why aren't you replying? Are you alright?" shaking his head, he walked closer to me taking small steps but immediately stopping half way due to my glare, warning him to not even try it.