Hex

* T W E N T Y *

©  Amber Kalkes 2015

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"Shambala" By Three Dog Night

 * T W E N T Y *

“Lovely,” Brandon reads as I sit on the edge of his bed, my head cradled in my hands, “How can I tell you what you don’t already know? What can I express to you that has taken me a lifetime to understand. All I can say is that despite the anger I know you will feel at the presences of this letter instead of me, you will come to understand why I have done this.” He stops reading and tossing on the nearby end table, “Who the hell is she trying to fool with this shit?”

“Well it can’t be easy.” Mary says from beside me, rubbing my back as I stare at the dark wood floorboards blankly, “Besides we don’t know anything for sure yet.”

“Really?” Brandon asks sarcastically and I hear him pick up the letter again, “Shall I repeat? ‘How can I tell you what you don’t already know’, sounds like a positive on the maternity test there, Maury.”

“Still I think even you can admit that Nadine wouldn’t hurt Ruth without a reason.”

“There should never be a reason.” He growls.

Apparently one talking to Brandon, Mary decides to turn her attention to me, “Ruth, say something.”

I take in a deep inhale before sighing, “Something.”

“I meant more about the situation but who am I to be picky.” She mutters making me let out a reluctant laugh. “Well I made her laugh, all hope is not lost.”

I lazily pull my body upright before putting my head on Mary’s shoulder, “This is all just so messed up.”

“Shit.” Brandon groans before kneeling in front of me. His hands are placed on each ones of my thighs as his golden eyes look pleadingly into mine. “Jack just called me, I need to go help him with something.”

“No he didn’t.” Mary says while scowling at him, “You’ve been standing there like an idiot the whole time.”

I lift my head off her shoulder and put a hand up to stop Brandon’s retort, “They communicate through the pack link. That’s how they hunt and defend.”

“Oh.” She says carrying out the word before shrugging, “He’s still an idiot.”

“Mary.” I sigh before turning to Brandon and cupping his face. I can feel the prickly hair of his five o’clock shadow on my fingers, “Go. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Positive besides you’ll be back soon right?”

“I better be.” He grumbles with a scowl before it softens, “If you need anything you know how to contact me?”

I roil my eyes with a small smile, “I’ll figure it out.”

He leans forward and kisses my forehead, inhaling my scent. Pulling back he gives another swift kiss to my lips before getting to his feet. “Be back soon.”

I give him a small wave and he hesitantly leaves the room. I manage to keep myself together until I hear the door click closed and then I shatter. I slump forward and release a sob that’s been sitting on my chest this whole time. Mary wraps her arms around my shoulders as I drop my head into my hands and begin to break down.

I don’t even know why I’m crying. Does there need to be a reason though? After the initial annoyance of Nadine’s escape came the overwhelming sadness. Was she hoping I’d never know? Was she hoping to keep her distance because whatever reason she had for giving me up was still viable? What was her reason for giving me up in the first place? Did it even matter anymore? Of course it does. It’ll always matter. And who’s my father? Oh god, what if he’s the reason.