Entice(1)

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                                                          Chapter One

                                                          ○  Entice ○

        I remember the tears I had shed for my fathers loss, as I headed off to college my throat in my heart.  Leaving my mother behind, how incapable she was to let me go. Her pleading cries all I hear distantly, repeatedly, rhythmically, in the back of my head.

      I also remember the day I got the phone call, how my mother had let herself go.. I remember, her limp feet dangling from the ceiling just inches above a chair, swinging.. swinging..swinging.

 The fan a sullen melody in the background, How I had fallen to the ground pleading for god to take my life instead of hers... but she was already gone and I would have no one, I would be confined to myself. I would forever blame myself.

    Our last conversation would forever sound in my head.

   How my hands had gripped at the dirty carpet, tears running down my cheeks,  "Mom," just a nimble word rolling of my tongue,that would never have any meaning again, because I no longer had a mother, one who tucked me in at night, singing me a lullaby-- one who continued to sing even when she began to forget the words. 

     "Maybe you should come back and visit." Words spoken, softly, quietly... 

   But I wouldn't and how sad that it was that I couldn't. I didn't think about my mom that night and how I would get the call the next morning, she was lonesome, she missed my father, she missed me.

     Even the brimming tears I had called on wouldn't stop the pain which seeped into my heart, I found myself, promising.. I wouldn't let myself go,

   The waves of sadness beginning to strum, listlessly like strings to a guitar, like a river without out water, I was emotionless, still and forgotten.

~~

    Dark rings held themselves under my dull blue eyes. I heaved for a sign of life, but I was distraught.. on which direction to go. Raised eyebrows and curious glances always pushed my way. Things began to lose color in my eyes. Life itself had no meaning.

   "Jaden, I am so sorry for your loss."

Hearing those words made me frown and turn away from those who tried to care.

    Tapping my pencil mindlessly on my desk, I stared at my pale palms. Shunning a yawn I looked up at the board as the administrator went on about the issues with our college and how the spray paint which tainted the walls could not go on any longer. Looking downcast my heavy lashes touching my cheeks, a lone tear crawled down my cheek and plopped onto my desk.

   After he left, the professor flicked off the lights and showed us a movie on the small TV in the corner. I leaned on my elbow, my dark hair falling into my face, hiding the room and the people in it.

    Shadows held my vision as I ran my hands through my hair. Not taking notes on the video, I looked out the window at the grey sky and the thundering clouds, A tree,

   A woman and a man walking by, hand and hand an untold story.

     My head quickly turned back to the professor as he flicked on the lights, his mouth a grim line. "Pass your notes forward". I had nothing to give like so many other occasions. A dull ring sounded the classroom, I grabbed my bag and headed out of the room.

     There were some things I missed in life, like my parents.. love..

      As I walk down the hallway I repeatedly ask myself am I okay? has grief ran me into a black void of immobilises. I hadn't missed the shadow outside which had hung behind a tree the dark sky its landscape, like a forbidden painting, not supposed to be seen. 

     A dark aura - the only thing telling me why turmoil rolled around in my stomach. Something bad was going to happen and maybe if I kept telling myself that it was okay, that I'd be alright.. 

  Clutching my bag to my side I headed into the rain, my tresses sticking to my forhead. I let out a sigh and got ready to walk the next few blocks to my apartment. The cold wind lapsing at my skin, my heart in my throat.

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⏰ Last updated: Jan 31, 2013 ⏰

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