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3
I saved your life - I don't owe you anything.
It's better if we're not friends. Trust me. You think I regret saving your life? It would be more... prudent for you not to be my friend. But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella. You really should stay away from me. I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy? Do I dazzle you? I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes. Your number was up the first time I met you. It's harder than it should be - keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before. And you accused me of dazzling people - poor Jacob Black. You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human? I'd rather know what you're thinking - even if what you're thinking is insane. I don't want to be a monster. I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you? I told you - you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me. I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that! I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should. Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow... Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold... to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses... it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever. And so the lion fell in love with the lamb... What a sick, masochistic lion. Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise? Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk. You're intoxicated by my very presence. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it. Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner. Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it? You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you. I may not be a human, but I am a man. You are my life now. What am I going to do with you? Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me! And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct? I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go. I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile... I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true. It's like you've taken half my self away with you. Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too? It was impossible... to stop. Impossible. But I did. I must love you. I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here. When someone wants to kill you, you're brave as a lion - and then when someone mentions dancing... Bella, I won't let anything hurt you - not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise.
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