Be My Juliet [on hold]

Chapter 19

*Dan's POV*

"Penelope," I let out, running over to her and grabbing her left wrist.  She flicks me off, backing away again.

"What?" she asks, not realizing it was her phone.  She crosses her arms, but I pull them apart.

"That was Jessica," I whisper, the tears returning again.

"That was mine?  Why did you read my text?" she asks, infuriated.

"It was an accident," I reply, cradling her left arm.  I barely tap my fingers to the hem of her soft sleeve, and she recoils instantaneously.

"What are you doing?" she warns. I snatch her again, pulling up the sleeve to her elbow. "Dan!" she screams, trying to break away from my tight grasp.  I have a firm hold on her, and stare at the huge slashes across her fragile arm.  They are in various stages of recovery: some bright white like they are extremely old, some a maroon color that are beginning to fade, and most disturbingly ones that look as fresh as though she did them just yesterday.  They mostly go straight across, but there are a few stragglers up higher that start cross crossing at various different angles.  I try counting them, but I lose track; there are too many.

"Pen..." I sigh, not being able to stop myself from crying.  I run my finger gently up her arm, hardly touch her icy skin.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not something I'm proud of.  I didn't want you to hate me and think I was looking for attention or just seriously messed up.  I hate that I do this to myself, but it's the only thing that distracts me from that voice telling me I'm not good enough.  It reminds me that I'm still alive, even though I'm numb and feel dead inside.  There's no point in me being here anymore; I'm just so worthless.  I'm a disgusting, vile, idiotic, and insignificant little nothing, and so sorry I dragged you into my life.  I should've never let us become close, because I knew I would disappoint you.  I knew that if you found out, you would dump me immediately.  I'm so sorry, just so sorry..." she rambles as tears stream down her face.  Before she can say anything else, I embrace her tight, sobbing heavily. "Please don't cry Dan.  I'm not worth it."

"Yes you are." I reply, looking deeply into her red eyes.  I cradle each side of her face in my hands, my nose gently touching hers. "You are worth so much.  I don't think I've cared about another girl remotely as much as I do you.  It is killing me that you don't see how much you mean to me.  Let me show you how beautiful you are.  I'll change your mind." I lean down, pressing my lips to the lowest scar on her arm.  I continue up, kissing each individual wound as if each time I did they disappeared until I'm up to her sleeve.  I look back at her face, and she's smiling slightly. 

"Thank you," she whispers, bending down to connect my lips to hers.  I stand up, picking her up along the way.  I walk over to the bed, still with her in my arms, and sit down with her on my lap.  We break apart and I kiss her hair, breathing in her mesmerizing scent. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?  Just stop talking about this for a bit?" she asks.

"Anything you want." I grin even though I want to know more.  Does she have other scars?  When did she start doing this?  When was the last time she did? "Do you want to change into pajamas so we'll be more comfortable?" I add, trying to stop my train of thought.

She nods, and I go to get her something to sleep in.  When I return, she takes the clothes and giggles.  "I have something, silly."  Before I respond, she goes into the bathroom and later emerges in my too-big-for-her sweatshirt and her navy sweatpants, her hair thrown into a messy bun.  In the meantime, I've changed into my sleepwear and grabbed my duvet to cocoon us. 

"Pen, just one thing." I tell her as I try to narrow down my list to one question.  She tilts her head in a quizzical manner, urging me on.  I exhale, looking her in her eyes. "Are there more?"  She darts her gaze down to the floor, answering me without speaking.  I run over to her and continue, "Where else are they?"  She paces back and forth, and I see she's getting really uneasy, like she is about to have an anxiety attack.  I grab her hand, bringing her closer to me.  I sit her down on the bed, and raise her palm to my lips, kissing it gently as if it'll calm her down.  I tuck a loose piece of her hair behind her ear, and cup her chin as I whisper, "You can tell me anything.  I promise I will do everything I can to help you.  You can get through this."