Do you know what it feels like to live without love? To have the very few reasons you have to exist disappear before you could even vow to never let them go?
It feels endless.
It feels like tumbling forever into a pit of nothingness, somersaulting and twirling mid-fall and trying madly to grasp hold of lifelines that aren't there.
It feels like walking into a cold, dark tunnel that isn't close to ending and never will be.
It feels like standing in a wall of flames, screaming for help as you watch your skin blister and blacken and crumple under the heat's hot tongues, but never dying; never seeing help coming.
It feels like your mother charging at you ready to kill; your brother sitting in the corner oblivious to the world.
This is why I don't want to love. This is why I don't want to feel like a human and not a soulless monster anymore. Why I refuse to let anyone take me into their arms and make me feel invincible. I don't want to feel whole and safe and finally at peace...
Only to forever fall into a pit of nothingness once again.
