Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Top Three Worst Things about "Bad Boys"

I told myself I was going to update more as a New Year’s Resolution. Obviously that’s not being going well. (Also, my notifications got all messed up, so if you left me a comment or message or something and I never replied, I’m so sorry. Send me a PM to remind me and I’ll get on it!)

Anyway, here’s my rant about the Top Three Worst Things about "Bad Boys"

1. They always start out as jerks

Honestly, I’m over the whole jerk thing. I realize that I have a strange attachment to Tom DeLonge (who is extremely arrogant), but the fact of the matter, DeLonge knows his/he’s shit. It’s a fact and I can respect that.

I can’t respect people that have no respect for anyone else. Don’t ask me to do that.

You know what is more dangerous than a bad attitude? Charisma. And I’m not talking about how some people are arrogant because they’re hot and they know it. I’m talking about people that can be so genuinely sweet and nice that you can’t say no to them.

My brother’s best friend in high school was that guy.

He was so incredibly sweet and he talked me into doing some really horrible things we shouldn’t have done. The closest I ever came to be arrested was because he thought we should break into a building and it was a disaster (and he ended up being a cop and I just think that’s hilarious). And do you know why I did it? He was sweet. He was funny. He was a nice guy. You didn’t just tell him no, because he was so genuine.

That’s dangerous. Not those punky twelve-year-old attitude. I know two years olds that are more badass than some of these bad boys. So take my advice, make a guy that’s so nice he can talk people into doing stupid/dangerous/bad things and leave the link in the comments. I’d love to check it out!

(And just because I know I'll get a lot of messages, yes I know. I sort of dated my brother's best friend (and I say sort of, because I didn't date in high school. We were just closer than friends, but not a couple). I know my life is a cliche. This hasn't been lost on me.)

2. They always have to play the pity me card

I don’t pity people. I never sympathize and I hardly ever empathize. I don’t give a shit how bad this guy’s childhood was. Nothing is going to make me feel sorry that he’s a dick. So if you have to make him a jerk, don’t try to give him a good reason. I can almost guarantee it’s going to just make readers hate him (and not in the great love-to-hate way).

So you know what I’d like to see? Someone that’s a jerk because they’re smart. They’re witty as hell and not just straight up mean. It takes no brains to say “I’m sexy and I know it.”

It takes a little more wit (and class) to say something like “I may or may not have the genetics to support a Darwinian theory.”

I read a beautiful piece once about a girl who was obsessed with Hemingway and after she had sex with a guy she told him that she knew she was known for liking things short and sweet (very Hemingway-esque) but it “lacked on the iceberg execution” and I was like, damn girl! You go! It was very well thought out and fit the character beautifully. I didn’t even think she was a bitch. She was quick on her feet and I loved that!

I mean it’s easy to make someone outwardly obnoxious, but I’d much rather you put some wit in there.

So that’s your challenge: make an “arrogant bad boy” that’s actually extremely educated and makes quips that make your readers have to think about just how snarky they actually ar.

3. They always have a drug addiction that’s cool/dangerous

I don’t talk about this a lot (have I ever talked about this here?) but the fact of the matter is, my best friend went to rehab for heroin addiction when he was sixteen. And in no way was it ever cool and in no way does he brag about it like the “bad boys” with their drug addictions on Wattpad.

Honestly, it drives me crazy that they’re all broken and troubled and some MC can just swoop in and save them from this dangerous, horrible drug culture. It’s not as easy as “I love you and you can get overt his drug addiction.”

Fuck no. If it were that easy there wouldn’t be a 90% relapse rate among heroin addicts. Honestly. You’re fucking stupid if you think that drug addiction is cool and can be dealt with by an “ I love you” from the cute girl that thinks she’s ugly but is really a goddess. I’m not going to sugarcoat something so serious. You’re fucking stupid.

Do you people understand what withdrawals are? Have you ever seen someone go through withdrawals, because if you had, you wouldn’t think this was a joke. It’s literally watching someone dying to live. On a smaller scale, if you’ve ever known someone that quit smoking, you’ve probably seen them get angry or depressed or start feeling weird aches and pains. My dad was sick for over a year when he quit smoking.

Imagine that, but amplified about 1,000 times and you’ll just be getting the feel for what a good day is on heroin withdrawals. It’s not a joke.

And it’s not easy. Even with rehab and therapy and great support, it’s not easy. My best friend tells me sometimes he still remembers his dealer’s number and that he misses it. He hates that he misses it, but he does. And he always wants just one more little fix, but he can’t. Every single day he has to tell himself no and that’s never going to change. It’s never going to get better or easier. He’s going to have to live with this the rest of his life.

So you know what, no, I’m not sorry for being mean and saying that people are ignorant as hell. Drug addictions aren’t cute and they aren’t a joke. They ruin people. Quit being fucking stupid with your dumbass “dark pasts”.

Seriously. Just stop.

And I’m going to try to stop ending these rants on a pissy note…sheesh. I didn’t realize how irritated I got, I guess.

Anyway, yeah. That’s my rant.

Funny story, because it was so angry! When my best friend gets stressed he calls me and asks me to do my Tom DeLonge impression (because you don’t understand that when I say imitating sounds/people/accents is my only talent, I mean that I’ve done it for so long I can now make money at it) and my roommate seriously thinks I have friends over and that I’m talking to them in my room.

She thinks Tom DeLonge is the name of a friend a guy that’s apparently my newest close friend. She has no idea it’s just me…imitating people. I like that she thinks I have a life, though. That’s nice!