Brave Bold Belle (ft. Liam Payne)

Chapter 40 - Fighting

      It’s such a good thing that the incident with the paparazzi happened on Friday night because I don’t think I would be able to go out and work when my mind is so chaotic the next day if it had happened any other day. I can’t keep my thoughts straight and I’m still figuring out what to do. I don’t know if I should stay away or go to Simon and tell him I love Liam and I just can’t break up with him. Or maybe I should go to Liam, tell him that and then if he wants to, we could go together to Simon and tell him we want to be together. We would find a way to deal with the rest later, like his family and my father, and of course, the media. But I really can’t decide what to do. I just toss and turn in bed, too confused to think clearly and make a decision when I need it the most. I even think of calling Havi and Ariel to seek advice, but I’m sure they would just push me to Liam without considering what’s best for him.

On Saturday morning I’m still struggling and I’m sleep deprived, so I can’t trust my mind. Instead, I decide to rely on paper to make a list.

If I go to Liam I will affect his career and probably cause him to lose some fans. Now that Ariel is getting famous, the risk of them finding out about her secret relationship with Harry is becoming higher, which means that the media and fans could learn only Niall is single, but Ariel told me he met a girl the other day and it seems that things are going well between them. If the fans find out every single member of One Direction is taken, their fame will decrease. Fans would walk away, broken-hearted. It happens all the time; Havi showed me statistics a few weeks ago because I asked her to. I don’t want to jeopardise Liam’s career and I already walked away, I set him free. The others have relationships that are too stable to break for the sake of their career. Liam and I were the only logical sacrifice. Plus, if I go to him paparazzi will be all over him nonetheless, asking him what happened, how we got back together and whatnot. We would have to hide, which would make so little sense for his family because we didn’t hide before, we managed before.

If I don’t go to Liam, the heartbreak of walking away won’t be for nothing. His fans will be at ease because he’s ‘reachable’, even if it’s just an illusion and it’ll never happen, there’s still a small possibility I haven’t killed for them. But then, if he meets someone else and dates her, all the sacrifice will be meaningless and I would just lose him.

Why is it that not even putting it on paper helps? And why does it seem that going to Liam will bring more problems than staying away?

There’s a knock at my door and I frown, confused. Why is Dad so early? It’s not even noon. I walk to the door nonetheless, hoping nothing bad happened, although if it did he would call me. Unless it’s not Dad at the door and someone else delivering the bad news because he can’t even do that.

Panicking, I open the door just to feel how my whole body freezes when I see the cause of all my current predicaments standing in front of me, with a worried and frantic expression.

“Belle? Are you okay? I saw the gossip show and I came running here. Tell me you’re okay,” he begs, grabbing my shoulders as if he could make sure I’m in one piece. I can only blink, too shocked to see him at my door to reply.

“I-I’m okay,” I mumble, finally managing to utter the words he’s seeking.

He heaves a deep sigh, so relieved that even his shoulders relax and now I feel him leaning on me, resting his weight on me. “Thank goodness. I was so worried when I saw the paparazzi mobbing you,” he says and he sounds so exhausted that I kick the shock out and take his wrist to pull him inside the house. I guide him to the sofa so he can sit there.

“I’m all right. It wasn’t that bad, I was just surprised. I don’t care about what they said,” I promise him and his eyes watch me closely as his hands grab mine, desperately.