I blinked slowly. Gripping the cup of tea as it was a sorce of warmth. Harry excused himself to the door, as if i was even listening to half of what he was telling me.
I stared blankly at a panel in the wood floor and Harry opened our front door, the house was so silent i heard every movement. I zoned out once again, trying my best to fight off the voices in my head. As i came back to reality i heard another voice. I racked my brain to try and figure out who Harry was speaking to in a shushed voice.
"So how is she mate?" I made out that the other voice was Liam. "I-i don't know. I'm hoping she's on the verge of recovery." I attempted to listen to their words, but as Liam spoke again i only made out "What.. doctors.. saying?"
I sighed silently to myself. Listening to more of their exchange of words, Harry was so stressed. I caused it all too. I blame myself completely. After Harry left for a four month tour, i found myself going out every night of the week. I got shit-faced every night, wore dresses that restricted my breathing.
One night i was feeling numb. I thought going out again would fill my emptiness. I was wrong, i only had one drink that night. (Y/bff/n) didn't come out. She was out to dinner with her boyfriend. I walked home alone, it was a big mistake.
A pair of arms reached out from behind a corner and pulled me into their chest. Breathing out "if you scream, i'll kill you" I was scared for my life. I didn't cry, i didn't speak. I was lifeless, and i still am to this day. He tried to rape me, but some bystander saw him and apparently recongnized him, so he called the cops. The officer drove me home, and told me to stay safe.
I sat on the floor in the corner of my room for days. I didn't eat, or bathe. I would hear my phone go off, but i never had the energy to push myself off the ground. Soon enough i got up, i needed a hot shower to clean away my worries. As i was undressing that day, voices started in my head. They told me i deserved it. They told me i was worthless, and dead on the inside.
I needed to feel alive. I desired something that would make me feel human. I searched one of my old messenger bags and found the small piece of metal. I took it with me as i entered the shower. I swiped it across my skin and let the hot water burn the open wound. Multiple times i repeated the motion. I was so depressed and sad. Life meant nothing to me.
When Harry came home from tour early, he found me shriveled up in my room, awaiting my death. I was wearing nothing but a 3/4 sleeved baseball shirt and underwear. He saw the scars. He saw my hip bones and how they were disgustingly stick out of my skin. He took me to the hospital. They made me eat. In their eyes i was "better" because i had gained some weight back, and i didn't cut.
Harry wouldn't allow any of the boys to visit. They all knew of what happened, they were probably all sickened by me. Ever since i was discharged from the hospital, Harry had been treating me so well. He made me food every few hours. Rubbed my back and told me funny stories from tour, in attempt to get a laugh out of me. He took baths with me, so i wouldn't do anything to myself in them.
Harry's POV.
I explained to Liam a bit more about (y/n)'s condition. Not to into detail because it was between us, not for him and the rest of the boys to know. Plus it was her personal business. I knew she was ashamed, and i didn't need the boys' pity.
"Yeah Liam, the doctor said it's a rare occasion that something like this occurs. But it does happen. It sucks that it happened to her, especially while we were gone" A loud shriek echoed through the house and a smash came along shortly after. Liam and i's head snapped up. My eyes filled with worry and i darted into the front room. (Y/n) was mumbling "No, no no's" under her breath. She apparently dropped the cup of tea on the floor. I saw blood pouring from her wrist, and on the side of her foot. Liam mumbled a "I'm gonna leave now" from behind me.
I picked (y/n) up and brought her to the back and set her down on the side of the bathtub. I opened the cabinet and pulled out the first aid kit. As i was cleaning up her cuts, i kissed both of them over the gauze over and over again.
"I'm so sorry Harry i didn't mean too." She said shakily. "It's okay baby. It was an accident okay?" "I- i, the voices they were scaring me, they wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn't handle it." I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head. She took in a large breath and began to speak again, explaining herself.
"I stood up and screamed. I don't know where it came from, but it stopped them. I dropped the mug and i tried cleaning it up. I didn't mean to cause any problems. I'm sorry your friend had to leave." She kept on. "(Y/n) stop babe. I'm right here." She was crying heavily. Her tears staining my shirt and soaking my chest. But i didn't mind. I held her even tighter, so she knew i was with her and i wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.
"Will you get me an advil and a glass of water?" I nodded and rushed out the bathroom and down the hall.
Your POV
I stood up after Harry exited the room and looked in the full body length mirror. My hair was brittle and had no volume whatsoever. My face was pale except my bright pink lips that were chapped and irritated from my constant biting. The scars on my arms stood out greatly, against my skin. I was a damaged soul, it was the bitter truth.
I wonder how much longer Harry would stay around with someone like me..
