Chapter One

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author's note, july 2019: it's been a long long time since i wrote this in 2013 so put that into perspective aha

plot can be triggering and is also literally written by a 12 year old who had no concept of Life and Love etc so pls take that into account this really does not reflect what i'm like today and is also probably incredibly unrealistic and somewhat romanticised

this covers issues such as depression, self harm and suicide - so if these are triggering i wouldn't read this, and of course if you think you're struggling with any of these things then please please talk to someone about it x

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"Levi! Lexi! It's time to wake up!" my mum called from downstairs.

My sleepy eyes fluttered open, used to this wake up call. I stretched whilst still lying down, and ignoring my mother's call, I flung my duvet back over my head. There was a knocking from the other side of the wall. It was surprising how clear the two slow knocks and three fast knocks were through the thin walls between mine and my brother's room.

"Morning, Levi," I greeted quietly, yawning.

"Morning, Lexi," he said back to me through the walls in a lazy voice, and when I refused to reply, we both took that as a sign that we were going to ignore our mum and sleep.

Levi and Lexi Lewis. The twins that everyone cooed over. When we were babies and toddlers, they would always call us darlings, cuties, sweethearts. Our blonde hair and blue eyes matched perfectly. We used to wear matching outfits. We were like two peas in a pod. We shared secrets, we had this little twin language of our own. We wouldn't go anywhere without each other.

As we grew older, we stopped sticking together the whole time. We had our own friends, we would make our own decisions and do what we personally enjoyed. For me, that was art, but for him, it was what every teenage boy liked - sports and video games. The barrier between boys and girls grew, and when we turned eleven, we dumped the bedroom we had been sharing and got next-door rooms by ourselves. I couldn't exactly share a room with him, could I? We gradually separated. We were no longer the one person we seemed to be together. Neither of us wanted it, but it just happened. We had become social teenagers who cared about different things, hung out with other children, had mood swings and were always stressing out.

However, nothing was really different - we were still close. If I was upset, he was the first one there for me. We had grown up home-schooled and besides the other children in our village, we only really had each other. It was the countryside. We were living in isolation compared to city children, and maybe we had various different friends, but we would always be best friends. We still had our twin language, we still knew each other's secrets. Even after puberty came to invade our body, we still had matching hair and eyes. He'd grown into a hot guy who everyone he met was crushing on, while I was that ditzy girl who spent ages in the bathroom in the morning. So nothing was really that different. I still loved my brother the same.

"Levi! Lexi!" my mother's shrill voice ringed up the stairs. "Even if it's the last week of school, it doesn't mean you can lie in until goodness knows what hours!"

Mine and Levi's reply was silence. I put a pillow on top of my head and pretended to be asleep, and I knew Levi was doing the same. It was a sort of ritual. Mum would call, Levi and I would warn each other to shut up so we would have more sleep and less school time, and then we would both pretend we weren't awake.

I heard my mum's feet stomp up the stairs angrily. I braced myself for the screaming that was going to come by wrapping the pillow around my head. True, this didn't exactly look like I was asleep, but I didn't want to go deaf. My mother could shout.

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