Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Things Writers should know about Trauma/Abuse Backstories

I haven’t had time lately (and luckily no one notices, because when I have no time, I just post Pretty Little Bones because I have the whole thing written, I just like breathing room between those updates. It makes me look like I’ve been writing. Yeah, it’s super smart of me.) 

Anyway, this rant is something I threw together while watching it snow and wondering how many times I can throw a tennis ball at my wall before my neighbors take the hint and stop screaming at their video game (EDIT: It’s thirty-seven).

So here you go: Things Writers should know about Trauma/Abuse Backstories

1. Having experienced a tough childhood does not make you become a bad person.

This one pisses me off to no end. It’s ignorant.

Honestly, it’s the thing I’m most proud of my best friend for: he insists that just because people were bad to him when he was a child it does not give him the right to be bad to people now.

That’s been the one thing I’ve always been very, very conscious of and always, always strived toward since I was five. It’s gotten me through a lot of self-loathing and pity.

No matter how many shitty things happened in your past, it does not give you an excuse to be a bad person. I don’t care what happened, it will never be a good enough reason. You chose what to do with what life gave you.

And I’m sure saying that’s going to make a lot of people angry, and I can sit here and list out all the reasons why I have more than enough merit in this argument, but I won’t. I don’t use it for excuses.

Seriously, though, I get it. Trauma comes with a lot of animosity. It’s hard (some would say impossible) to just be open and forgiving. Honestly, I don’t expect every character to bounce back and be incredibly nice as compensation like my best friend. He’s amazing. That’s something you won’t see twice in your lifetime. But it would be nice if everyone stopped using it as an excuse for anything and everything.

You know, people that experienced abuse as a kid don’t automatically just become bad boys or assholes. My best friend is the nicest guy you’ll ever meet and do you know why? Because he decided he didn’t have to be that person. (I on the other hand will accept the title of asshole, because I have an entire rant book (but that’s just because I’m truly a bitch).) Which leads me to:

2. It should only be used for character development.

If you’re using a tragic past for shock factor, stop. Seriously. That’s disrespectful to everyone that’s ever experienced anything, because it’s pointless.

I’m sorry, but wasting years being abused isn’t something you throw around to draw a gasp or get sympathy. In fact, most people I know that have experienced something awful don’t want sympathy or empathy or anything. If they talk about it, it’s not for attention. It’s for education.

Honestly, it’s probably the biggest impact you’ll ever have in your life. Graduating, getting married, having kids, landing that dream job with the dream life to go with it, will never change you as much as trauma and tragedy. Sorry to say, but it really, really does.

Being abused or experiencing trauma forces you to change. It’s one of those monuments that creates a before and after point in your life. There’s no way you get out of it without being at least a little different.

So if you’re going to throw in some sort of backstory, make damn sure it’s not just for more reads or a “poor character” moment. It’s because that moment made a huge impact.

That being said:

3. Not everything has to stem from/involve that trauma.

I’m allowed to laugh. I’m allowed to smile and have fun. I don’t always have to be angry or upset. I can be okay.