Love is Blind

Chapter Four: Talking to Myself

Chapter Four

            Why am I such a nice person? Why can I not say no to anyone?

            This was the stupidest thing you ever agreed to Payton. My little voice in my head scolds me causing me to release a groan of aggravation.

            Shut up! I mentally yell back at the annoying voice. “Stupid voice,” I mumble under my breath as I sit Ms. Rose’s food down on her dinner tray.

            “What’s that you say dear?” she asks in her crackly, frail voice. Her short, blonde/gray curls are kind of flat and her blue eyes, though surrounded by wrinkles, are so alive and happy. Her name is Rose McCarthy, but I call her Ms. Rose because it suits her beautiful personality better. She is a widow, her husband passed a couple years ago to cancer. That sick, awful cancer is always taking good people away. Ms. Rose has heart problems and just had another surgery due to it.

            “I was just talking to myself,” I say giving her a smile.

            “Aw good! You had me a little afraid my hearing was leaving me and I’d have to buy an aid,” she teases with a smile revealing her shining dentures.

            I chuckle at her and shake my head. “Well I’m sure you’d look stylish with one,” I smile at her jokingly.

            It’s sad to say but Ms. Rose is like my only best friend.

            Payton, you’re so pathetic, you’re only friend is an 80 year old woman. The annoying voice says and I sigh. Heck, the voice is right I am pathetic. I look at Ms. Rose and give her a sad smile, while she begins to eat her jell-o.

            “Ms. Rose, I really want to stay and chat, but I have something I have to do,” I say as walk to her side and rest my hand upon her shoulder.

            “Alright dear, do what you need to. Then come back and see me, we’ll have a talk,” she says to me as she reaches up and pats my hand. I smile down at her and nod. Taking a deep breath I walk away only turning to wave bye. In the hall I take a deep breath and try calming my crazy nerves. Stupid nervous disorder, it’s like I get nervous over anything and freak out about it.

            I am crazy. Why on planet earth did I agree to do this? Oh yeah, because I am a nice person who lacks the ability to just say no!

            Oh, grow a pair and get this over with! My voice in my head yells at me and I seriously want to slap it.

            Shut up! I am going! I think back to it as I force my feet to move forward and walk down the almost empty hall. I make a turn and down another hall until I reach the elevator and walk inside hitting the circle with a 2 on it causing it to light up. I lean against the back wall resting my head on it and shutting my eyes.